Art of Transliness

Zak: In my opinion, the whole point of using the asterisk after “trans” is to be inclusive of people like you that might feel on the margins of the transgender community. In general the community is far less…cohesive than the word “community” might imply. There are people that would not consider you to be part of their community just as there are people that would prefer that they not be included in the community regardless of their gender identity. So, I think you should identify however you identify and not worry about whether or not it is okay or not to identify that way. 

Zak: I think that really depends. I have a friend who Id’s as genderqueer and hasn’t had any trouble, that I know of, physically transitioning. There are several surgeons who will do top surgery on people who don’t necessarily identify as male (Dr. Garramone is one, he also doesn’t require you to be on T beforehand), although there are others that are not so flexible. You’ll need to find a therapist and doctor that are supportive, how difficult this task is will probably depend on where you live since there’s a huge amount of variation in the attitudes of therapists and doctors on these sorts of things. I guess a short answer to your question is that it might make transition more difficult for you, but it won’t necessarily. 

Zak: You’re definitely not alone. There are many non-binary identified individuals that opt to physically transition and/or who experience dysphoria. Neutrois Nonsense writes a lot about deciding to physically transition despite not identifying as male and experiences related to that. 

(2/2) […] of physical transition. I feel like I’d have to give up the few feminine things I love (like makeup, and most of my favorite clothes) in order to feel comfortably male. I’ve wished since I was a little kid that I could be a man, but have never felt that I was “actually male”— that I was born in the wrong body, etc, and it makes me worry that I’m some kind of fraud. I don’t know what to do. Most transmen seem so sure of their identities, I don’t know anyone who’s felt this way. Help?

Zak: Making the decision to come out as transgender or to socially or physically transition can be incredibly stressful. It is also deeply personal, and I can’t tell you whether or not you are trans* or tell you what steps you should take. However, I can tell you that you are not alone in not being entirely sure about your identity, questioning whether or not you should transition, or worrying about having an identity that seems in-between. You’re not alone, though, and it might help for you to hear from other people who don’t fit in the typical trans* narrative: femme ftms, genderqueer and non-binary individuals, those who took a longer time figuring out their identity, people who choose not to physically transition, or otherwise don’t fit the typical definition/narrative. I recommend checking out the blogs and videos linked above, but also specifically these youtubers: Closettransgender, UpperCHASE1, Genderqueer Chat, postgender, and Travis’s videos from the Art of Transliness youtube channel.

There are a lot of ways to be trans* and a lot of ways to transition. Personally I didn’t realize I was transgender until I was 18 or 19 and I know of people who didn’t realize/didn’t come out until they were in their 30s, 40s, or even later. That alone does not determine whether or not you are trans* or not. Liking makeup or expressing your gender in a feminine way does not exclude you from being trans* any more than it makes a cisgender man less of a man to wear eyeliner (which, by the way, it doesn’t). You also don’t have to identify as male to fall under the trans* umbrella, there are plenty of non-binary and genderqueer people out there! What matters is how you feel about your gender identity, your body, and your place in society. Figuring that out can be tough and scary and a LOT of people have doubts at times, but if you are being true to yourself than you are definitely not a fraud. 

Zak: Gender neutral pronouns can be difficult for people to get used to using, but don’t let that discourage you! First off, decide on what pronouns you want to go by. There are quite a few variations of gender neutral pronouns to choose from, some easier for people to get used to than others. Some find the singular “they” to be the easiest for others to get used to (since it is already something that we recognize as a word and commonly use), whereas others find that something completely different, like “zie”/”zir”/”zirself” is the easiest for people to grasp. However, personally I think the most important factor is what feels most comfortable for you. Once you decide on your pronouns, I think the biggest thing to do is educate people. A lot of people have never heard of gender neutral pronouns, don’t know what they are, and don’t know how to use them. Writing it down for the people closest to you and giving them a little grammar lesson couldn’t hurt. 

One of the tough things about gender neutral pronouns is that they do take a little work for people to learn about and start to use. Because of this, some people just aren’t going to make the effort. Even the most well-intentioned people may slip up from time to time (this is also true of gendered pronouns if you’re switching pronouns, but I think even more so for GNPs). You may find yourself having to firmly explain your pronoun preferences over and over again, but doing so can help drive the point home to the people around you and encourage them to get on board. So, I guess the trick is to ask, educate, explain, and repeat. You can’t control other people, and so there’s no surefire way to get others to use your preferred pronouns other than to ask them and make sure they understand what your preferences are and how important it is to you.