Art of Transliness

Zak: If you’d feel even somewhat comfortable doing so, I’d suggest sending an email to the people you’ll be seeing explaining your situation (that, in case they haven’t heard, you’ve transitioned so you’ll look a little different but that your family doesn’t like to talk about it and they don’t acknowledge it) beforehand. This will prepare them for the situation and hopefully prevent some of the awkwardness that might come up if they come in without any knowledge of your transition or parental acknowledgement of it. Obviously you do not need to get into the specifics about your transition and your family’s response to it, but just give them a basic set-up of the situation so they know what to expect when they see you.

Zak: I hate to say this because it feels like a cop-out, but every doctor is different. It is likely that you will get blood work done, be weighed, and have your blood pressure taken. If you are going to get blood drawn, they will probably let you know ahead of time since certain tests require you to fast 12 hours before the draw. They may also put off looking at blood work until your second visit or ask you to get your blood drawn somewhere else and fax it in beforehand, this really depends on your situation and your doctor’s policy. The doctor will also probably talk to you about your health history and the potential risks of testosterone and also a laundry list of some of the changes you can expect on T (just to make sure you understand what you are getting into). Depending on the doctor/clinic, you may have to sign informed consent forms that say you know the risks of testosterone and what it will do to your body and want it anyway. It’s usually a lot like a normal doctor’s visit except for a few small details. Whether or not you get your script on your first visit really depends upon a lot of factors (your doctor’s policy, the results of your blood work, if you have your therapist’s letter and/or everything else they require, etc.). Personally I received my script at the end of my first appointment, and this is not uncommon, but it really depends.

As for questions, you may want to ask about your doctor’s philosophy when it comes to prescribing your dose. Some doctors start their patients on a lower dose and slowly raise it, while others start them on a higher dose and see where things go from there. Some doctors also focus more on the outward changes and overall health instead of focusing on testosterone levels, whereas others pay close attention to the numbers and try to keep the patient’s levels in a specific range. Figuring out what your doctor’s reasoning is being the dose they prescribe is good information to have. This is also a good time to ask any kind of trans* health related questions you may have, for example about where your doctor’s patients generally get pap exams. Other than that, just ask about anything you’re curious about and feel the doctor didn’t cover. Good luck! 

Zak: Yeah, I can see where your therapist is coming from but I don’t think that it is really akin to not liking the way you looked. When your family shares these pictures it may make you feel as though they do not respect your gender identity or that they are outing you against your will, feelings that probably would not arise in a situation where they were merely showing pictures that you thought were unattractive. My suggestion would be to discuss your discomfort with your parents and try to come up with a solution together. Maybe there are some pictures of yourself that you think you look more masculine in (or some more recent pictures of you) that you are comfortable with them sharing or certain people that you don’t mind them sharing pictures with. Your therapist is right that this is their past too, and you should listen to their feelings on this, but your feelings should also be taken into consideration too. 

Zak: This is a major life decision and something that we absolutely recommend putting a lot of thought into, and we actually wrote our first ever article on Art of Transliness on this topic (where you can find some more general tips on choosing your name). There are all sorts of ways to go about this, from going with the name your parents would’ve given you had you been MAAB to looking at a baby name guide and picking out a name that speaks to you. A good place to start is to make a list of names you like or what you want from a name (for example, is it important for you to have a name that is gender neutral? do you really want to keep your initials?) and go from there. It can also be nice to enlist the help of your family and friends, particularly your parent(s) since they (may have) named you the first time and might have an opinion about what you are changing it to. In the end, though, all of these things are up to you. Choosing a name is intensely personal. 

I think it’s usually a good idea to try a name out online or with people you know you are never going to see again for a little bit before pitching it to your friends and family, and then using it for a little while socially before changing it legally. This gives you a chance to try out a couple of different names and/or be sure of the name you choose before you put down the money to get it changed.