Art of Transliness

A Piece for Parents of Trans* People

Some of our followers are parents of trans* kids that are wanting more information, others are trans* people that would like a good way to explain their gender identity to their parents or something to give to their parents as they come out. We thought we’d throw together a little something for both sets of people, just a little bit of information that we think would be useful to parents whose children just came out to them. Here it is: 

So….Your Kid Just Came Out as Transgender 

Your child has just told you that they don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth to some degree. Maybe they told you that they are questioning their gender, or that they see themselves as neither completely male or completely female. Or perhaps they told you that they  identify as male or female and hope to go on hormones or have surgery as part of their transition. Regardless of what your child just told you, you might be have some questions. Here are some common questions that you might be wondering to yourself as well as some answers provided by a transgender person himself in consultation with his mother:

Is this something I did? Is it because X happened in my kid’s childhood? 

Wedon’t know for sure what causes some people to identify as the gender they are assigned at birth and others to identify differently. However, it is incredibly unlikely that your child is transgender because of anything that you did. There are transgender people that are raised in strict religious homes and those raised in homes with no religion at all, those raised in households with married parents and those in households with divorced parents, those raised in perfectly happy families and those raised in abusive families. There really doesn’t seem to be any common thread in the childhoods of transgender people, other than the fact that many (though not all) displayed signs of not identifying with the gender they were assigned from a young age. It is also unlikely that it is due to any one event in your kid’s childhood. 

Isn’t my chid too young to know that they are transgender? 

Think back to when you realized that you were male or female. Is your child older than that? If so, your child is probably old enough to know. Many people realize that they are transgender when they are very young, it is not uncommon to hear of small children expressing feelings that they are being raised as the “wrong gender.” The preteen and teenage years are also common times for children to come out to their parents as transgender or begin to express their gender identity because those are times in which people in general really begin to figure out who they are and explore their identity. 

My child is in their 20s or 30s (or even older), aren’t they too old to just now be realizing this? 

While many transgender people realize that they are transgender when they are very young, some people don’t realize until they are older or don’t say anything to anyone about it until they are older. Keep in mind that your adult child may have known for a long time but only now have allowed themselves to explore their identity or tell anyone. It also might be the case that your adult child has only just recently found words to put to their feelings. Just as there are people that are late bloomers in other aspects of their lives, there are people that take a little bit longer to figure everything out about their gender. 

How do I know if this is a phase? 

It may be that your child has gone through a lot of phases, just as you probably did growing up. Gender identity, however, is bigger and more important than musical taste or personal fashion. It is entirely possible that this is a phase for your child, but for many people it is not at all a phase and to treat it as such can be damaging to your child. If possible, allow your child to explore their gender identity in non-permanent ways (for instance, allowing them to choose their hairstyle and dress differently) if you are concerned that this is a phase. Therapy can also be very beneficial for your child and, if in many cases, you and other members of your family as well. 

My child wants to take hormones and have surgery, aren’t these things dangerous and bad for their health? 

There are risks to taking hormones and having surgery just as there are risks to taking any prescription medications and having any surgery. The best way to fully understand these risks is to discuss them with a trained medical professional that has experience prescribing these medications or carrying out these surgeries. Many transgender people would point out that for them the risk of not taking hormones or having surgery is greater than the health risks of doing so due to emotional stress. It might also be helpful for you or your child to talk to older transgender people that have been on hormones for 20 or more years about their experiences and health. 

What are some resources out there for parents like me? 

Many parents find it extremely helpful to talk to other that have been in their situation, in which case Trans Youth Family Allies is an excellent resource. They have blogs written by other parents, listings of support groups for parents in different cities, and private online forums for parents of transgender kids ages 3-18 (that forum can be found here). TransKidsFamily also has a private yahoo group for parents with children of all age groups that can be found here. PFLAG may stand for Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays but it also provides information and support for family and friends of transgender people. 

United States Top Surgeons And Accessibility - 2013 MasterPost!

This information has been accumulated over the course of January and February of 2013. This information is accurate to the best of our knowledge. The cost of surgery is a quote and the physicians listed are not required to keep their costs the same throughout the entire year. This post is meant to be used as a quick comparison guide, this information is in no way binding or contractual. Please seek further information from your desired surgeon’s office if you have more questions. We are in no way affiliated with any surgeon or surgeon’s office. There are many other US-based surgeons that we did not list, we attempted to cover a wide geographic range and included surgeons that could accommodate virtually every surgery technique and body type.

Dr. Charles Garramone (DO) - Sunrise, FL

Preferred Procedure: Double Incision, will perform Peri/Keyhole on a very limited basis.

Accepts Insurance: No, private pay only.

Performs on Minors: No.

Requires Letter: Yes, one from a therapist and another from a doctor confirming you’re fit for surgery (this constitutes a pre-op physical).

Requires Testosterone: No.

Does remote consultations: Yes, by phone. 

Cost: $6,500  (plus costs of medications).

Stay-over Time: 7 days following.

Dr. Beverly Fischer (MD) - Baltimore, MD

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole, will perform Peri/Keyhole on patients who are borderline much more readily than other surgeons.

Accepts Insurance: No, private pay only.

Performs on Minors: Yes, with a Guardian’s consent.

Requires Letter: Yes, must have documentation from a health care professional that you have been living as male for one year.

Requires Testosterone: No.

Does remote consultations: Not needed, patient comes in a day before surgery to have a pre-op consult. Patient must mail in paperwork for completing a pre-op physical and blood work three weeks prior to surgery.

Cost: $7,300, includes all associated healthcare for one year after surgery.

Stay-over Time: If patient has a physician at home who can take the drains out and support them medically after surgery the patient can stay overnight and leave the next day. Prefers patients to stay 5-7 days following.

Dr. Perry Johnson (MD) - Omaha, NE

Preferred Procedure: Does Both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: Yes.

Performs on Minors: Yes, with a Guardian’s consent.

Requires Letter: Yes.

Requires Testosterone: No.

Does remote consultations: No.

Cost: $6,200 (plus cost of medications).

Stay-over Time: 5-7 days following.

Dr. Daniel Medalie (MD) - Cleveland, OH

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: Yes, + $1,500 private pay above insurance quoted price.

Performs on Minors: Yes, both Parents/Guardians must accompany minor and sign consent forms at face-to-face consultations.

Requires Letter: Yes.

Requires Testosterone: No.

Does remote consultations: Yes.

Cost: $6,500 (plus cost of medications).

Stay-over Time: 5-7 days following.

Dr. Melissa Johnson (MD) - Springfield, MA

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: Yes.

Performs on Minors: Yes, with Guardian’s consent.

Requires Letter: Yes.

Requires Testosterone: Yes.

Does remote consultations: No.

Cost: $7,600 includes cost of overnight stay ($500) which is refunded if patient does not stay overnight (plus costs of pathology of tissue and medications ~$100-200).

Stay-over Time: One night overnight, plus 6 days following.

Dr. Curtis Crane (MD) - San Francisco, CA

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: No, but has forms available to help patient file to be reimbursed by private insurance.

Performs on Minors: Yes, with consent letters from both Parent’s and requires to speak with parents face to face before surgery date. Also requires letters from a therapist as well as the minor’s primary care physician and/or their prescribing endocrinologist.

Requires Letter: Yes, but will do case by case (for people who are physically transitioning via the informed consent model).

Requires Testosterone: No.

Does remote consultations: Yes, by email.

Cost: Double Incision = $8,480,  Keyhole = $9,480 (plus costs of medications).

Stay-over Time: 1 day before surgery (for pre-op physical), 5-6 days following.

Dr. Toby Meltzer (MD) - Scottsdale, AZ

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: Yes.

Performs on Minors: Yes.

Requires Letter: Yes, two separate letters from therapist and prescribing physician.

Requires Testosterone: Yes, 1 year on T preferred.

Does remote consultations: No, in person consultation is required, willing to meet at conferences he is traveling to. Check his website to see where he will be traveling to set up an in-person consultation.

Cost: $10,000 -$12,000 - depends on time on the operating table (plus cost of medications).

Stay-over Time: 5-7 days following.

Dr. Christine McGinn (MD) - New Hope, PA

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: No, but has forms available to help patient file to be reimbursed by private insurance.

Performs on Minors: Yes, but with very strict guidelines, multiple consent letters and doctor’s letters.

Requires Letter: Yes, one from a therapist and another from a doctor confirming patient is fit for surgery (this constitutes a pre-op physical).

Requires Testosterone: Yes.

Does remote consultations: No.

Cost: $6,800 (plus costs of medications).

Stay-over Time: 3-7 days following.

Dr. Peter Raphael (MD) - Plano, TX

Preferred Procedure: Does both Double Incision and Peri/Keyhole.

Accepts Insurance: Yes.

Performs on Minors: Yes, with a Guardian’s consent.

Requires Letter: Yes.

Requires Testosterone: No.

Does remote consultations: Yes.

Cost: $6,000 (plus costs of medications).

Stay-over Time: 1 day before surgery (for pre-op physical) and 7 days following.

Fashion Friday

Here’s a fashion friday from our good friend Andy: 

Mustard V-Neck Sweater - Old Navy, $20
Shirt - H&M - $15
‘Brick’ Color Slim Fit Chino Flat Front Pants - Uniqlo, $39
Brown Leather Timex Watch- Kohls, $23
Braided Brown Leather Belt - $10-15 anywhere
Knockoff Red Wing Boots - $25 at some random department store

Ash Wool Overcoat - 200 (worth it), Uniqlo
Navy Polo Scarf - Found in a pile of laundry in my closet/available at Marshall’s
Prescription Reading Glasses - Anthropologie

So, Zak has been asking me to submit to Fashion Friday ever since I first explained to him that yes, tucking your shirt in is, in fact, cool. And, I was feeling like making ridiculous model faces the other day at work anyway, so here it is!

I usually start with one item in a solid color, then break it up with a patterned layer, and mix in another color or two from the same palate. You can also apply the same logic to black/grey/white for your goth days. This sounds kind of silly, I know, but if you’ve taken elementary school art you have the basic knowledge of complimentary colors necessary to do just that.

There are a few basic items I think are worth sinking money into, other than that, I basically thrift, wait for sales or borrow from friends who know they are not getting things back. A good coat, a few good pairs of pants and some sweet boots are completely worth investing in, and since you’ll be bundled up most of the winter, it’ll pay off. I’ve worn this overcoat with jeans and over a three-piece suit. The boots are a simple, cheap alternative to dessert boots, and they go with literally anything.

So, here is my secret fashion weapon you guys - Uniqlo pants. I don’t understand why all trans* guys in the NYC area/with internet access aren’t shouting to the heavens, thanking the pants gods for Uniqlo pants. They’re hip, affordable, come in almost every cut, fabric and color imaginable, and here’s the kicker - THEY TAILOR THEM FOR YOU, FREE, IN THE STORE, WHILE YOU SHOP. I am 5 foot 4, and I’m not a skinny dude - they fit like a charm. Seriously y’all, drop what you’re doing and buy these pants, you will be in Corduroy heaven in no time. I have like 5 pairs and it’s a daily struggle to keep from buying more. http://www.uniqlo.com/us/mens-clothing

Primarily, I’m interested in clothes that you can wear for any occasion, mix and match with almost anything and still look classy. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money to do it either, you could find most of this stuff at Target. Just try shopping with the wardrobe you already have in mind. That way, you’ve got plenty of options you only have to do laundry like every three weeks or when you run out of underwear.

Fashion Friday!

This week’s Fashion Friday is brought to you by Ro!

Levis 510 (super skinny) Jeans ~$80

Lumberjack socks (Walmart) ~$12

Timbaland boots ~$200

Nike SB plaid shirt ~$45

Jean Jacket (Forever 21) ~$40

Maroon Jacket ~$80

I live in Winnipeg, Canada – and it can get pretty cold here, which sucks for everything except for fashion. Layering is a great way for trans guys to appear more masculine, by disguising your chest. It also allows you take layers off and on when needed, which is nice since wearing a chest binder can alter your temperature a lot throughout the day.

Fashion Friday

This is Ashton (transformfeminism) and his outfit for this week’s Fashion Friday. Here’s what he had to say about it: 

“This was my first-day-of-fall-quarter outfit. I decided to go with neutral colors, which I think played well together. I actually stole my roommate’s button-up which I ended up loving with green pants and a brown belt.”

Messenger bag: Barnes & Noble

Shirt: Roommate’s wardrobe

Pants: WESC 

Shoes: Target 

A Message to Our Followers

Just wanted to send out a quick message letting you know that we apologize if you’ve written into us and we haven’t been able to get to your question. Adrian is currently on a road trip and doesn’t have much access to the internet (or time), and Zak has been busy with midterms and other end-of-college drama. Our inbox is a little backed up, and unfortunately we probably won’t be able to get to every single question, particularly if they violate our ask policy. 

We love receiving your questions, and feel free to keep them coming, just be aware that it may take us a little while to answer or that it may be discarded if we feel it could easily be answered by google, is too specific to your personal situation but anonymous and so can’t be answered privately, etc. As always, if you have a question you want to ask us outside of tumblr, you can email us at Artoftransliness@yahoo.com (someone recently wrote in to say that our email address appeared to be invalid, but we haven’t had any issues with receiving email so it should work). We don’t check our email every single day, but try to get to it at least once or twice a week. 

Again, sorry for the delays. Thank you so much for following and generally being awesome.