Maybe I’m the only one who has noticed the pressure other transguys give those who aren’t on Testosterone (T). Maybe I’m the only one who gets crazy irked by it?
If someone is venting on FYFTMS, Youtube, Facebook, or anywhere else about how difficult it is to “pass” or how horrendous it is that no one takes them seriously when it comes to their transition, you see a slew of responses telling the poster that all will be well once they get their magical shot of “T”. Even if someone if just depressed in general, they are told that “T will make it all better”. It’s like the transmale community rewrote the famous Beatles song “All You Need is Love.”
Here are my top reasons these posts need to stop.
1. T isn’t magical.
Starting/being on T will not in any way transform you into this “ideal male.” You will still be you, with more hair. Even then the facial hair is minimal for most people at least for the first few years.
You might have slightly more muscle, but unless you workout consistently you won’t be muscular.
Your voice might lower a little, but it’s definitely not a guarantee. I have seen several guys on T for a good deal of time who still have “female range” voices.
2. Not everyone wants/needs/can access T.
This is probably my top reason telling someone they need T is a bad idea. You should always assume you don’t know someone’s background. Especially online. It’s very possible that this person cannot get on T for a long time, if at all. They may not even want to.
Telling someone “all you need is T” essentially rubs it in their face that they aren’t on it, and enforces the notion that you can’t be “properly trans*” or even male unless you force a “special” hormone into you. This probably doesn’t make them feel any better about their situation, like I’m assuming your post was supposed to do. Try giving real advise that pertains to the situation instead.
3. The grass isn’t always greener.
Pre-T transguys always assume that their chances of “passing” (being read as the gender they identify) will significantly increase if they get on T. The truth is although you might have a slightly better chance of being gendered properly, there will still be people who misgender you.
I have heard stories of transmen who have been on T for 5+ years and still get misgendered on occasion.
I personally have been on T for over a year and get misgendered depending on who I’m with, what I’m wearing, and how long it’s been since my last haircut.
4. Maturity will help, not T.
If you are worried about people “taking you seriously” as a trans* person, T will not help. People respect others who act mature and put off the vibe stating “I deserve to be respected” rather than running around acting like a child and yelling “I’m a(n) *insert identity here*! You have to call me this!” All that will do is make them think you’re being immature and frankly, immature people are not viewed as capable of making any serious decisions, let alone the decision to transition.
When it comes to family, T probably won’t help either. Your family won’t wake up one day and go “Oh! They’re on Testosterone! Guess they’re male after all!” Acceptance is a process that can (and for most people WILL) take years reach. By approaching the situation with maturity and understanding of what they are going through (it’s not just you who has to make an adjustment) you are much more likely to speed up the process. Ranting and raving around the house because they don’t understand (or maybe aren’t at the point of WANTING to understand) isn’t going to help your case.
5. T isn’t the end all be all.
T doesn’t solve all your problems. Although I already talked about the social ones above, I never mentioned anything about the physical or psychological ones. If you are already a person who suffers from depression, T most likely won’t solve the issue. Sometimes not looking “male enough” really is the only reason someone is depressed, and going on Testosterone can help alleviate the stress. Usually this is not the case, and there can be a multitude of issues that contributes to the depression. Going on T will temporarily give you a distraction, but once the changes die down those same unresolved issues will creep back up on you. Guaranteed.
If you are uncomfortable about your body, such as breasts or “below”, T may or may not help. T does decrease the size of the breasts slightly, but usually it’s not enough to make much of a difference. Of course there are always exceptions, but you should assume you’re the rule when it comes to this.
“Below” will get larger on T, but it won’t give you a penis. In order to get the closest you can (permanently) you will need to get surgery down the line. Even then, the results may not look like how you want. Some are content with what T provides, some aren’t. Also, T does stop periods but sometimes it takes more than a few months for them to go away.
I guess this “short” post became more of a rant than anything. I hope it makes you think about what you say a little more carefully. T isn’t going to magically make everything better and I’m annoyed to no end when people post to others trying to “console” them and say it is.