Dealing with Dysphoria and Hopelessness
Dysphoria and hopelessness are easy to come by when you’re trans*. You wish your clothes fit a certain way, that your face was more angular, that your butt didn’t stick out so much and you also worry that maybe you’ll never be accepted as male, that you’ll never lead a successful life, or that you’ll never find someone to love you. We’ve all found ourselves there at one point or another, but luckily there are things out there that I know give me and other guys I know hope and will hopefully help you too:
1. Tumblrs that highlight and celebrate things in (mostly) cisguys that many transguys are uncomfortable with in themselves. For example, fuck yeah short guys, fuck yeah chubby guys, or small cock rocks (NSFW). While knowing that Daniel Radcliffe is 5’5” (or 5’6”) isn’t an instant cure all for my dysphoria, it does make me feel better about my height and help me realize that being short isn’t necessarily going to keep me from being read as male or being seen as attractive.
2. Seeing transmen who are all grown up, successful, happy, and married (or partnered) with children. Whenever I see videos of guys like Stephen Whittle I tear up a little bit, because dude, it’s going to be okay. It’s truly inspiring to read or watch the stories of guys who have “made it”. Some stories of good FtM role models are here as well as all over youtube. We’ve mentioned before that Warren, Ryan, and Charles make our hearts skip a beat and give us hope (even though they aren’t necessarily all grown up yet!).
3. Love stories of trans men and their partners. Yes, trans men can find people who will love them! TMatesFTM is a goldmine of people (though mostly women) talking about how much they love and support their trans boyfriends. (WE)dnesday on Fuck Yeah FtMs also showcases lovely couples where one half is transgender. Also check out this thread from the Experience project called “I am in Love with a Transman”. And yes, even gay transmen have their admirers.
4. Pornography. Okay, hear me out, queer, trans* friendly porn can be a great way to see positive depictions of our bodies in a sexual light. Sites like crash pad and xtube (links obviously NSFW) have videos of transmen who are in touch with their bodies and who are as sexualized as the cisguys with giant penises in other porn. It’s nice to see some representation and to feel free to be a sexual being instead of feeling gross or different. Some guys find this triggering, others do not. It really can depend.
5. Video montages of guy’s transitions. Why? Because it shows you just how much testosterone and surgery can do and that even those ripped, angular, attractive trans guys you wish you could be started somewhere (usually just where you started). Some of our favorite montages are Meiko’s, Cade’s, and Zyon’s but there are many, many more all over youtube.
These are small things and are no substitute for therapy, a good support system, and doing what you need to do in regards to transitioning. They are just things to hopefully cheer you up and give you hope along the way.