Art of Transliness

Zak: It’s hard to tell you how to stay safe, because your safety depends so much on the area where you live and the types of people who live there. In my personal experience where I live (small town in the midwest) I’ve very rarely felt unsafe throughout the 8 years that I’ve been openly queer here (first as a masculine presenting lesbian, then a genderqueer presenting person, than transitioning to male). That could be very different for you depending on your personal circumstances, but I’ve found that people are far less upset by what they perceive as masculine females or trans* guys than by feminine males or trans* women. You’re far less likely as a trans* guy to get thrown out of a bathroom, beaten up, etc., although that doesn’t mean those things can’t and don’t happen. In order to help yourself feel safer I recommend carrying pepper spray, traveling with a group if you’re walking around at night, and always being aware of your surroundings. You might also want to consider taking a basic self-defense class.

I dealt with people staring at me a lot more than people calling me names or making me feel unsafe, and I think this is also true for many trans* guys. Getting stared at, misgendered, and asked inappropriate questions are probably the three things you need to prepare for facing the most. These are most upsetting at first, but to a certain extent you will probably more or less get used to them. The best thing I can recommend for dealing with other people’s ignorance is to remember that you are a human being who has dignity and is worthy of respect. When other people seem to think otherwise, just keep in mind that this is an issue with them not you. There’s no easy cure for not letting other people get to you, but it certainly helps to create a support system for yourself (in person or online) to help you remember that there are good people out there who care about you. 

Hope that helps.